While that may be cold comfort during the early days, it's a start. Secondly today should of been my baby shower, celebrating with my friends and family. I'm in a bit of a hurry but couldn't leave your post unanswered as I could have written it 6yrs ago when DD1 was new and DS1 was 20mths. But go to docs and be honest about it all.You aren't alone, and come on here to offload anytime. In some ways I am cool with getting help, and in other ways I am not. I followed the baby whisperers advice. It will get better - eventually. Jungle book was another great favourite when I needed a little longer to recuperate (or shower, go to the loo AND eat). Doc suggested topping up after feeds so I can get a bit of respite with ds. Thank you all so much for all your excellent and sensible advice. So get help if you need it, everyone needs help. just thought of another one - Jumping was a favourite occupation. With a toddler and a newborn, it does not take long before the house can look like an absolute disaster. She is now I'm in a bit of a routine, will be put down to kick about on a mat or sit in her bouncy chair and I can then play with DS. FINAL THOUGHTS ON MANAGING WITH A NEWBORN AND TODDLER. It's awful when they set each other off crying. There is nothing good that can come from comparing myself to other moms (yes, I have a lot I can learn from other mamas, but learning from is different than comparing to). As parents we can slow down emotional growth by leaving needs unmet. Dh is great but works long hours and I have no family around. It might be cleaning out my sons pants drawer (which was yesterday's task), or organizing my own closet, or cleaning out a kitchen cabinet that has gotten out of hand. If that mom of eight has eight, she has probably been a mom longer than I. Don’t compare yourself with a mom of ten years vs. me, going on 3 years. We may be tired, we may feel inadequate, and we may be overwhelmed. But to do this I need to have an assigned place to put that stuff! I finally realized that some days I need to just stay home. This was supposed to be a joyful and harmonious time in our lives. Thank you ...again... You've set me off again! I’m rushing to get the dishes done, my shower in, clothes folded...and time reading my bible and in prayer just straight up does not happen. My son is almost 2, full of energy and home full time with me since daycare isn't an option for us right now. I sat and cried. But being mamas is what we are, and it is the task and purpose that we have been given. Waking up early, before the kids, isn't an easy habit to build. It does get better but it is overwhelming initially. It took me a whole evening to crack it so be patient and methodical about it.I totally understand how you feel. I think it is because a part of me wants my husband to think that I am superwoman. It does get easier, and you will be so proud of yourself and them! I am usually a fairly calm, maybe even a laid back, parent but the feeling of overwhelm has been, at times, suffocating over the past month. There were dishes to wash, laundry to clean and fold, floors that needed sweeping, a toddler to play and engage with, and a newborn to snuggle and nurture. It gets better and seemingly in a blink of an eye they are both at school and you are longing for them to be a baby again. Dd is just 5 weeks old and feeds, wants to be held constantly. So yes, I feel like total loser some days for not being able to get my crap together. PS don't be too hard on yourself! Her life and the way she mothers WILL look different because me and her are two different people. ticklemonster I get your point but her crying sends me into a spin, reinforced by the knowledge that lots of books say you mustn't leave baby to cry that any sensible perspective is lost. In moments when I felt overwhelmed, I always tried to be empathetic with my toddler (and myself!). We sent DS1 to nursery 3 half days and that was awful for him and us. Tips for dealing with newborn and a toddler - posted in Birth-6 Months: Hi I am feeling overwhelmed about the upcoming birth of my second. Baby cries...pick it up, cuddle until quiet and contented and put it down. To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet. £200 voucher to be won, Feeling overwhelmed...toddle r and newborn, Talk widget showing discussions of the day & trending threads, Subscribe to Mumsnet emails direct to your inbox. So take it easy and stay at home if you want to. I could dry my hair, go to the loo, wash dishes. I asked my DH to take DD1 out at weekends even for just half an hour into the garden so I could play with DS alone. I am feeling so overwhelmed, we moved to a new place 3 weeks ago, I am still living in the midst of a million boxes, running my business from home, and my toddler has the flu I just recovered from. Avoid big crowds and high-activity settings like the mall or the playground on a sunny Saturday morning. One day at a time. I know what you mean about the spinning. There were dishes to wash, laundry to clean and fold, floors that needed sweeping, a toddler to play and engage with, and a newborn to snuggle and nurture. Pretty sure that day is not fun for him, either. But know this: You will not be the first mom to feel this way, and you will figure things out. Take advantage of that and use it as an excuse as needed . I remember when my DD was 5 weeks old, colicky and in a sling non-stop feeling just as you do now - that it was interminable. Sling was a lifesaver - disagree you can "teach" a baby they want to be held, that's just the way they're wired!Hang in there, you're all adjusting, you're doing brilliantly. A newborn can bring a whirlwind of activity and excitement to your life — and plenty of stress and fatigue, too. Do this over and over and you should notice that gradually she will soothe. It's lovely to hear all your supportive advice and experiences, not to mention the kind words. Thrive Themes Firstly I am hating every part of my pregnancy, which I feel guilty about because I can't wait to be a mum, its all I have ever wanted. And stop being so hard on yourself. Also, not sure how old your DS is but those usborne books where they need to find the duck on every page were heaven sent to me. And I feel like a total loser. To keep that in check, me and my little guy are working on being more diligent in picking up after activities, doing the dishes right after we use them, and keeping my diaper/nursing/spit up-preventing basket tidy. Anyone else feel this way? I found that one book saved my sanity in those early days with sensible, easy to digest advice.I spent the first 8 weeks crying on and off and walking into another room if I felt overwhelmed. Plus, Barnhill adds, babies are brilliant at picking up on our emotions. I pinch myself at my new-found confidence–how I can get out of my mini van without feeling my blood pressure ... number that got me was 3… I had 3 kids in 2-1/2 years. We all get times like this. Here we go: This one is probably the #1 habit I need to keep up, because I know how important my Mama’s Morning is for me. Thank goodness it's the weekend and dh is here to share the load. I know the sling probably seemed a good idea, but it has got baby used to being held all the time. Guilty for feeling bad towards a little baby and people who just wanted to help. My husband recently started working from home, and 4 months ago we moved next door to my parents. I finally got one of my baby twins to fall asleep when my three-year-old yelled, “Mama!” On cue, the baby woke up crying hysterically, and now both kids were crying for me. And, ultimately, that's what we all want: a happy, confident kid. I’m trying to feed my newborn, who is cluster feeding and crying, whilst comfort I've got 3 20 months apart and we did a lot of reading while I fed. I know people who have had four kids with NO help from family following the births of their children. Maybe it’s just me, but when I walk into my bedroom during the day and the sheets are strung about and the bedspread is crumpled up at the end of the bed, I feel instantly irritated. Yup - been there. Sounds like exactly what you're doing. My baby loved it. I was nursing my 3 week old, toys of every variety were strung about the living room, and diapers, wipes, and burps cloths were drowning me. My DD is 18 weeks now and trust me it DOES get better. And if you don’t feel like you have anyone to talk to, I’m here! Toddler needs to come first so baby needs to be able to be put down. During your baby’s nap, this is a good time to do some housekeeping tasks and to give some one-on-one attention to your toddler. I can get my shower in if I want to. I know that sounds obvious but I really wasn't prepared for how hard it would be with two children under 2yrs, 2 in nappies, two needing a nap at different times etc. I’m not going to sugar coat it: There were definitely some rough moments where I was overwhelmed with my toddler and newborn. Not because it'll turn them into axemurderers but because it will make you feel more in control. I promise it will get better soon! - £200 voucher to be won, Win up to £500 worth of clothes: Share what you would buy from Zalando, How have you shown your appreciation for the NHS? I could have written your exact post about 3 months ago. My DH worked away a lot too and we had no family close by.I will come back later but just to say, you're not a shit mum and it is a perfectly normal feeling. I can plan the day and think about what I want to do and what is most important. I got this bit of advice from my sister (who also has a newborn, along with three boys five and under!). climb up, jump down, climb up, jump down... between that and the little indoor trampoline she had a great circuit and definitely wore some energy off when bored! Because baby is used to being held you may need to re teach baby so that it is soothed enough to be in the bouncer. So if you are feeling overwhelmed with the stage that you are in with your children right now, take comfort in these three things: 1. Resentful of DD1 for taking all my time away from DS. I like the sorting beans/pasta idea, although getting ds to sit down for more than two mins to do something like read will be a challenge. The oldest was 2-1/2, then 1 year old, and the youngest was a newborn. Linda Lewis, research psychologist and author of “When Blessings don’t count”, looks at this issue with great empathy. I know it's a phase but it when you're sitting in it, it feels interminable. I had it with ds and I recognise the same feelings of helplessness as last time I'm usually very measured and have things under control so when things get like this, it's hard to be objective. Her circumstances, personality, life experiences, family life, etc. Its really really hard, but you can do it! A baby fed well usually plays happily. Just watch out for PND. Two Changes I Made To Get More Calm Back Into My Life, 6 Ways To Boost Your Confidence With Your Morning Routine, 8 Things Every Mom Can Be Grateful For Even When Times Are Tough. And know that there are other moms out there who have felt totally overwhelmed with their role as a mama, too. Some great advice on here. However, despite its challenges it was actually wonderful. I just had my baby yesterday morning and prior to this, my 2.5 year old was my whole world. So much better that we now have DD2! I felt like the meanest mum in the world I may not responded to each of your posts personally but literally every single one has been so gratefully received. Even 30 minutes can do wonders (and I don’t think your husband will be complaining about your suddenly brighter attitude, because I know mine won't ). I know that my brain is going to feel the way my house looks. A mum of two, full-on but super cute little boys, Shelley is completely addicted to gentle attachment parenting, loves baby-wearing, fills the role of jersey cow for her youngest child, inhales books about child brain development, is happily married to her partner of 13 years and gets amongst it with the 4 yr olds on kindy parent days. There is nothing worse than a hungry cranky toddler and a crying newborn. So I will give myself some time to adjust. BUT, with a little discipline, encouragement, and focus, we can all thrive as stay at home moms. So I'm slowly working to designate locations for the random bits and pieces that end up on surfaces in our home. So going forward, even though there is less sleep at nights, I know staying awake after the early morning feeding (the feeding that happens BEFORE my toddler is awake) is vital for clearing my mind before the day really begins. I could save that time to bond with my toddler as he was feeling neglected with the new arrival. Waking up when my toddler gets up never fails to leave me feeling like I am behind ALL DAY LONG. Your current challenges will eventually fade into memory, leaving you feeling like a rock star for having navigated them without completely losing your mind. If you have been feeling low or know of someone who is finding her new role as parent more of a challenge than a joy, you need to know more about PND – postnatal depression or distress. You are not alone. I know that the ten seconds I take to put things in the designated location is not going to set my day back. Use disposable plates: I wish I had this idea before because I had to wash a lot of dishes which now I think was a waste of my time. We also just recently moved into a house and we have so much to do to get it all set up. I thought I'd never cope but now have 4! In a way, I felt like I was dying a slow death. To have no time for ‘gender disappointment’, To wonder how people make it to adulthood without knowing, What are your best budget buys this Christmas? lots of cushions in front of the sofa or bench. 8:30 Baby Nap/Toddler Playtime. But I wasn't diagnosed for 3 years and I don't want that to happen to anyone else. oh yes yes to what mumofthree says: ask the nanny to take the baby for a whizz round the block for an hour while you have some time with your DS. -  Designed by I also don't want my toddler to hurt the baby by mistake (he is a boy and plays rough). (And I went through all the same things again, although this time I was prepared for it and it wasn't so bad as DS and DD1 were already used to sharing me. Being a FTM is hard, but going from one to two kids is no joke either, and I feel like it either isn't discussed or is downplayed. It really does all feel like too much! Ask your toddler what pictures he would like to have in the book or include some of your favorites together. What's the big difference between how I feel when I am wakened by my toddler vs. when I get up on my own terms? It was bliss when she finally napped though!Finally, if you can get 5/10 mins to yourself to just do the meditative breathing thing where you clear your mind and just count breaths over your upper lip; to 10 then start again, and gently push away other thoughts; it sounds odd but I found it a bit of a lifesaver. Having two young children is so much harder than just having one. Once the pictures are in the book, you can ask him what words he'd like on each page or add a simple text yourself. Announcer: Medical news and research from University of Utah physicians and specialists you can use for a happier and healthier life. Do this over and over and you should notice that gradually she will soothe. I followed the baby whisperers advice. This method worked for me. Life got a whole lot harder once I was trying to juggle life with a toddler and newborn. Imagine its just pregnancy hormones. But then, of course, I have to actually take the time to put the randomness in the appropriate locations, instead of throwing them on the side table. Dreading it because he's my baby From what friends have said, you kind of put the toddler first and bundle the baby into a sling for a couple of months. I've heard this before, and I'm sure you have too, but if you are like me there are times when I think I really need to get the dishes done, or fold laundry instead. The desperation of trying keep your head above water, yet feeling like you’ve failed. I just really want to enjoy this time but waking up in the morning to face a new day fills me with dread. I found I literally could not comprehend that ds would get older and it wouldn't always be so hard. 2. You want (and need) help but can barely wrap your head around what you want much less find the time to ask for it. I feel so alone, I am always by myself at home with my toddler who is really testing me at that moment. So take advantage of the time to rest and get some shut eye. And if I am still feeling down, I dare myself to. If you're feeling good, it's going to rub off on her as well. How about asking the nanny to take your dd and you spend some time with your ds? Making … Kids thrive on routine and I know that I do to (and I bet most of you out there are the same). Interviewer: If you're feeling a little bit overwhelmed with your newborn, it's totally natural because it's hard having a newborn. But there is nothing extra we can do to speed it up. One of my most popular blog posts is the one I wrote about flying on your own with a baby. If you do feel very overwhelmed by trying to cope with a newborn and a toddler then it would be wise for you to seek help from a professional. The most important thing though is that it will pass sooo quickly and before you know it they will be thick as thieves. Take care of yourself Tandem nursing is a lot of work, not only physically, but also emotionally. are all different from mine. I would pick him up, soothe him and put him back down again. We are human. It's awful and you are like every other mum. It's normal for your toddler to feel a range of feelings about this new change in his family. But how much intense parenting they need, possibly including frequent nursing, in the second year depends for the most part on their inborn timetable for emotional development. It's simple but it works. Postpartum depression can appear up to a year after the baby is born, so don’t dismiss the possibility if you’re six months in and just start to feel the mental pains of it all. I will definitely be implementing your tips straight away. I want him to be constantly impressed by my ability to keep it all together and still be positive, beautiful, happy, and a joy to be around. yes, that too. With a newborn and toddler in tow, it’s impossible (or maybe possible, just stressful and unenjoyable) to keep to a strict, minute by minute routine. But I also know that I don't have to feel this way, or at least I can put some routines in place that will help to lessen the overwhelm. Ok, DS and DD1 weren't playing together yet, but hopefully they would in the future. We had 4 kids in 5 years, and the hardest part of every newborn (after the first) was always the toddler. I'll let you know how I get on! Anything is worth a go.Good luck xxxx. Well today I am feeling very emotional and overwhelmed with everything. That some days you can’t catch your breath and there’s nothing to hold on to. Jealous of all the time people spent with DS because people kept taking him out to help me out. It was too much. I’m feeling completely overwhelmed, my anxiety is through the roof. Of course you miss that as I bet your ds is a lot of fun like mine. I was nursing my 3 week old, toys of every variety were strung about the living room, and diapers, wipes, and burps cloths were drowning me. I was always close by. Mama "Hyde" comes out. ... feeling overwhelmed and alone, but it's slowly getting better. No I'm not broody! Learn about: Feeling overwhelmed with a newborn from Helena Heyman,... Related Videos. It take discipline and effort. This is so important, even when it doesn’t feel like it. We want to help you get through this period, and start to more often feel that you’re flourishing as a mum!
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